I myself am Leonine (Asinine too), and like Lions are pretty indiscriminate about where they piss, my gift has its own unlovable weaknesses (unless you are into piss, in which case I would say my 'little mistakes' were Hemingwayesque).
I cannot punctuate worth a shit.
That's why I like technical writing. Short declarative sentences, reading age about 8 to 12. Roll out a long 'un now and again to keep 'em from falling asleep but keep the constructs simple - this ain't literature. I'm reasonable at a first pass and then someone who knows better re-does the whole thing.
Writing proper is tough.
I have in my head a thought that needs to get into your head and as a child I would write as I thought.
Pages without punctuation.
It bugged the piss out of those that know better and they made me go back and re-do the whole thing. They said
"Go back and break it into sentences. Capitalize the first word and finish with a full stop."This was bloody good advice. I do it now as I go along now.
When I started it was a royal pain in the arse. It totally fucked up the flow. I had to move shit around for it to make any sense. When I was a kid my work literally looked like that, I'd go back and start capitalizing Important words and right before each Capitalized word would be a Full Stop. Then there would be loads of me
That did not last long. Those that know better forced me to re-write all my crap so that it was
"Nice and neat and spelled correctly and of required length"Another royal pain in the arse.
I would have given my 12 year old left nut for this fucking mac, I tell you.
Anyhoo, were Google to implement my fabulous 'Fisheye' editor, so you could see a piece flex and warp and weft before yer very eyes, you would see that my initial (and subsequent hours) of editing is not a fluent thing.
"Rare indeed is the phrase, clause or clause complex that flies unimpeded from my stubby little digits to wink phosporsecent at you, perfect in balance and coordination; punctuated sufficiently to pass uneducated scrutiny, unread enough to draw any serious scrutiny and just fucking primo - like this one."
Since I need to be taken seriously as an artist (I do, trust me, it's Important) I have a nice sounding Bon Mot if you'll be so kind as to pardon my French. It is
"I punctuate for effect and unless you want to be punctuated for effect, back off! I'm a fuckin' artist."
Seriously, and when I get my kisser on the cover of Rolling Stone, I'll be wearing it on a Tee-Shirt.
Edgy, huh?
It's so important for people to take my satire seriously that like Mssr. Sartre's writer, I have spent enough time researching how to punctuate properly that I stopped the instant I read somewhere that you can punctuate according to proper rules of punctuation, or you can punctuate for effect. The end result should not be too divergent and any 'little mistakes' could be ruled idiosyncratic of a style unburdened by the ravages of a classical education.
Anyhow, it's a rationalization for the fact that I still to this day have no idea how to punctuate properly.
I stick little glyphs all over the place that make you pause for a given period of time, to break this long connective ribbon of snot that you are sucking out of my blog into nicely digestable slurps, to simulate the cadence I hear in my head, to satisfy those know it all asswipes, but it is in truth a lumpy process, much like hammering the lumps out of wallpaper paste. You know if you don't get 'em all out (either by going after them one at a time after the fact or doing it right the first time) nobody's gonna appreciate the pretty patterns because its all fucking lumpy.
Pardonnez mon français.
